What if the most challenging experiences of your life could shape you into a beacon of strength and resilience? Join me as I sit down with my incredible mother to uncover her remarkable journey from a tough upbringing in East LA to becoming the resilient woman she is today. Growing up as one of seven siblings, she faced unimaginable hardships, including the tragic loss of her older brother and time spent in foster care. Yet, through her story, you'll hear how she transformed these trials into powerful life lessons that shaped her outlook and our family’s future.
Our heartfelt conversation navigates through the intricacies of family dynamics, the solace of finding a kind foster family, and the responsibilities shouldered while helping a single mother. We reflect on her experiences of becoming a young parent, the ups and downs of marriage and divorce, and the significant moves that aimed to stabilize our family. With special mention of my brothers and sisters, this episode captures moments of joy, sorrow, and the unwavering support from her husband, which enabled her to stand by her own mother in times of need. It’s a deep dive into the fabric of our family life, the challenges of a blended family, and the emotional adjustments it required.
Finally, witness the emotional journey of loss and healing. My mother opens up about the financial struggles after losing her spouse, the importance of moral upbringing, and the sheer power of determination. From being behind on mortgage to teaching us that anything is possible, her story is a tribute to resilience and love. Tune in for an inspiring episode that celebrates the enduring strength of my mother, her invaluable life lessons, and the profound impact of a positive mindset.
What if the most challenging experiences of your life could shape you into a beacon of strength and resilience? Join me as I sit down with my incredible mother to uncover her remarkable journey from a tough upbringing in East LA to becoming the resilient woman she is today. Growing up as one of seven siblings, she faced unimaginable hardships, including the tragic loss of her older brother and time spent in foster care. Yet, through her story, you'll hear how she transformed these trials into powerful life lessons that shaped her outlook and our family’s future.
Our heartfelt conversation navigates through the intricacies of family dynamics, the solace of finding a kind foster family, and the responsibilities shouldered while helping a single mother. We reflect on her experiences of becoming a young parent, the ups and downs of marriage and divorce, and the significant moves that aimed to stabilize our family. With special mention of my brothers and sisters, this episode captures moments of joy, sorrow, and the unwavering support from her husband, which enabled her to stand by her own mother in times of need. It’s a deep dive into the fabric of our family life, the challenges of a blended family, and the emotional adjustments it required.
Finally, witness the emotional journey of loss and healing. My mother opens up about the financial struggles after losing her spouse, the importance of moral upbringing, and the sheer power of determination. From being behind on mortgage to teaching us that anything is possible, her story is a tribute to resilience and love. Tune in for an inspiring episode that celebrates the enduring strength of my mother, her invaluable life lessons, and the profound impact of a positive mindset.
Welcome to the Butterfly Mindset Podcast. Today I have the most special guest in the world my mother. What's up, mom?
Speaker 2:How do you match?
Speaker 1:It's funny because I'm totally rebranding the podcast. We're doing like, I'm doing a like totally rebranding the podcast. So it shifted from Cyrus's podcast to the butterfly mindset podcast and I thought who better to interview for the first episode of the butterfly mindset podcast than my mom, who created the butterfly mindset, you know. So, um, so I want to, I want to kind of talk about, like you know, we're going to talk about life, and this might be a long conversation, might be a short conversation, I don't know, but, um, I want to. I want to talk about.
Speaker 1:You know, I learned things about your life, like bits and pieces of how you think, and like you really molded how I think. So, for me, for me, this is all about sharing how successful people think and how they move and, and, like I said, like you, you, you molded my, along with so many other people in my life, but you molded my life and my, my thinking, to how I think about. You know, everything happens for a reason positivity, so on and so forth which is you would think that like that would be oh yeah, that's a no-brainer. But like your life wasn't the easiest life no, it hasn't been, you know. So, like starting from, I guess when you were little like, where did you grow up?
Speaker 2:In the heart of LA.
Speaker 1:In the heart of LA and when you grew up in LA, obviously it was just the perfect life, perfect childhood, right.
Speaker 2:Well, it wasn't the perfectest, but it was okay.
Speaker 1:What was it like?
Speaker 2:When I was growing up, life was totally different than it is now. We played outside, we ran up, we climbed trees, we did all the stuff you do outside ride bikes. Most of the time I was with my cousins and my aunt and uncle, because we were almost the same age. So we I spend a lot of time at my grandma's um and just part of life but you're one of how wait what, how many? I'm one of seven one of seven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're in what order? The second oldest, okay, and then and then. So you have one older.
Speaker 2:I had one older brother.
Speaker 1:You had one older brother. Who was that one?
Speaker 2:Raw, but he passed away when he was 18.
Speaker 1:How did he pass away?
Speaker 2:He got shot. He was. He was in the marines and he came up for a leave. He went and hung out with some of his old friends and he was driving his friend's car and they mistaked him for the friend and they shot him wow um, he was 18.
Speaker 1:You said Was he like? Was it because he was involved with like the wrong people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well he was. He was well. We grew up in East LA. Yeah. So he hung around with the. I guess he was like a troll, but I never saw him like that. Yeah. But he wasn't a bad guy and he joined the Marines and Do you know why he joined the Marines or? Just to get away, but he was a good brother.
Speaker 1:And then at that time, how old were you then?
Speaker 2:when he passed away, I was 15 wow.
Speaker 1:So then you became the oldest then I became the oldest how was that mentally? Did that change anything how you operated, or were you just like how you took care of your younger siblings?
Speaker 2:I always looked out for them, Regardless even my brother. I looked out for him. I used to iron his clothes and do things for him. Yeah, it was just part of my way of being. Yeah. I always looked after everybody.
Speaker 1:So, and then, how old were your younger siblings at the time?
Speaker 2:I had. My sister was two years younger, so she was 13, and then my brother was 12. Then my sister was like seven and my we had just had a little brother.
Speaker 1:So it was a baby, yeah, and was it all the same mom and dad?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, well, there was five of us from the same dad. And then my mom had my sister, and then she had my brother.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then when you were, when did you have Desiree?
Speaker 2:so I got married when I was 15 and I had Desiree right before my 16th birthday so was that, was that right after my brother passed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So like how soon after was that?
Speaker 2:Well, like Desi was no, actually it was before he passed, because Desi was three months old when he died. Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how was that dealing with being and was that? Like you know, you're 15, you're 16 years old having a three-month-old, and then your brother just passes away. Like how did you deal with that?
Speaker 1:it's hard, but I believe that I believe that God only gives you what you could handle and it makes you stronger. Um, that's a. Uh, uh. Uh, I get sunglasses. I get to hide my tears. Um, I, uh, uh, that's a I get sunglasses, I get to hide my tears. That's a strong statement because, like you know, we haven't even got into a lot of what you've been through. You know so, and I'm going to rewind even more because when you were little, you had even told me that you had gone through foster care at some point. I remember hearing that and being like what the heck? You didn't even tell me, we didn't know about that.
Speaker 2:It's a part of my life. That it was a part of my life. Yeah, I didn't have to tell anybody because I wasn't ashamed of anything. It was part of growing up for me, you know, and it didn't like it hurt when we were separated, but it didn't cause me like to go backwards in any way. Yeah. I always went forward, yeah, in any way, I always went forward.
Speaker 2:My mom had a hard time because she was a single mom, although my dad was in and out of our lives the whole time. But my mom was totally a single mom and my mom had issues where she would have nervous breakdowns and so forth. So at one point we grew up on welfare. So at one point she was like her worker said well, you know, you need to mentally take care of yourself, so we'll put your kids in foster care so you can straighten yourself out, like just mentally. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then we'll give them back. Well, she put all of us into foster care and then they didn't want to return us. Um, we get into the system and it's hard to get out of it. Um, my mom being young and naive and not knowing what was going on, how old was your mom around that, probably about in her late 20s at least. Yeah.
Speaker 2:In her 20s, because by the time she had me when she was 17. So figure 10, 10 years, yeah, about 27, 26, 27. So she was really young, yeah, and she had four kids, five kids. Dang. At that point Is this raw. No, she had six. Wow, she had six.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:She had six because my little sister was like a baby. Yeah. So she put us in, and then my grandmother, I guess. At that point my mom went to my grandma. My grandma said don't worry, I'll take them, I'll go pick them up for you, or whatever. I don't know how we got ended up, but we ended up all back with my mom. How old were you? About 10 or 11?
Speaker 1:dang.
Speaker 2:And how was it like we only stayed in foster care for about a year and a half or two but how was like, like?
Speaker 1:what was that experience like for you do, do you remember?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it wasn't bad. The family I was with was very good and very kind. It was normal. We went to church, we did birthday parties, we did camp outs, we went on vacation. So it was nice. It was a different experience in life in itself, what life should really have been like Not having to worry about anything.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Worry about anything?
Speaker 2:Worry about anything like worry about my mom, worry about my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1:You were 10 or 11 and you were worrying about your mom and your brothers and sisters. What were you worried about?
Speaker 2:Because I'm the one that used to help my mom with everything. I used to help take care of the kids, help her out, just do things.
Speaker 1:At nine or ten and then when then you went to foster care and you felt like you kind of had more like a normal childhood. A quote unquote normal childhood.
Speaker 2:Kind of like just a normal way of living. Yeah. My childhood, I could remember, was nice because I was with my grandparents and my aunts, my uncles. Whatever we had a normal, my mom did whatever she could for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, could for us? Yeah, um and um, and then so then. So then you're, you're like 10 or 11, and then what? Your grandma just comes and picks you up or what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she just goes from house to house. Wherever we all, my brothers, we were all separated, except me and my sister. At one point they brought my sister to where I was at yeah so she stayed with me for maybe about four or five months before we went home, and then my grandma just picked us all up.
Speaker 2:Just went to the houses and picked us up and said we were going back with her and we went with my grandmother and then my mom had my. I stayed with my grandmother for about me and my brother, probably for about six months, before I returned to my mom okay and then, when you returned to your mom, what was it like?
Speaker 1:it's okay it's like normal yeah it was normal.
Speaker 2:My mom just was my mom yeah you know, and I never like I know, sometimes we didn't have a lot, but I didn't blame her because she had a lot on her plate yeah, um, and then, and then like fast forward.
Speaker 1:You have Desiree then I get married and you get married yeah, and then I live.
Speaker 2:I move out and live in my life, but my mom's still in my life yeah so I was still trying to do for my mom as well as try to take care of my family. I was my life, so I was still trying to do for my mom as well as try to take care of my family. I was young by the time. I was 27,. I divorced and I went back with my mom, and my mom opened her doors and I stayed there with my three kids.
Speaker 1:So wait. So by the time you were 27, you had Desiree.
Speaker 2:Corina.
Speaker 1:Corina and then Steven.
Speaker 2:Steven.
Speaker 1:And I was like calling them by their nicknames, yeah, and then you divorced.
Speaker 2:Divorced at 27.
Speaker 1:And then you moved back with my mom. Grandma. And then, but in that time, what 27. And then you moved back with my mom, grandma, and then, but in that time, what?
Speaker 2:about. What are all your siblings doing by that time? By the time I went to live with my mom at that point, my sister had already passed away. She was 18 when she died in a car accident, and she just had. My brother, george, and so my other brother, ray, lived in Colorado. Yeah. Didn't have too much.
Speaker 1:I never really saw him, so wait. So your sister, she was how old when she passed away 18. She was how old when she passed away 18. So your mom lost your older brother and younger sister both when they were 18.
Speaker 2:Both at 18 and 10 years apart, one in 77 and the other one in 87. Wow. And we lost a little brother in 65. He was six weeks old, oh, so she had a lot to deal with In 65,.
Speaker 1:He was six weeks old, so she had a lot to deal with.
Speaker 2:How did she deal with it. I don't know, maybe just in her world.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Do you think that, like, like going through that as her kid helped you understand, like how you would want to deal with it as a mom? Definitely like did you ever think about those things when you were little?
Speaker 2:I knew that I wanted roots because I didn't have them. We moved around so much as a child I think I went to, like you, go to middle school for three years and I probably went to four different middle schools. Elementary school is the same. I didn't have any roots. Being a single mom, she had to do whatever she could and sometimes she couldn't pay the rent, so we had to leave and it was hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, rent, so we had to leave and it was hard, yeah, but I don't remember other than having to move all the time. I don't remember a lot of hardships like just not having enough to eat, or that was a community in a home that we didn't have to keep living. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So then you're 27, you got three kids, you're living with grandma, and then, and then, how old were, how old were all the kids?
Speaker 2:uh steven was like five no, desi wasn't when I divorced. She was like 11, I think yeah 10, and he might have been 5 or 6. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, and then.
Speaker 2:I was living with my mom and they were in school and I would take them back and forth to school. I put myself in school.
Speaker 1:Where were you living then?
Speaker 2:In Cudahy.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:My mom had her house.
Speaker 1:And so you were living there, and then you would take them back and forth to school. You said you put yourself in school yeah, I put myself in school.
Speaker 2:I went to like um, just an off the wall school to go to like for legal secretarial so wait.
Speaker 1:So when you were 15, you got married and everything. Did you finish high school? No, okay, and then so then you went to like a trade school. I went to a trade school. Or did you ever finish high school, or no?
Speaker 2:No, I never finished high school, but I did go to like. As I got older I would go like I went to like East LA College and. I took like different, like psychology classes, child development classes, just different things just to keep myself busy and I never really like finished, finished it all yeah then later, when I went with my mom, I decided I wanted to do something with myself.
Speaker 2:So I wanted always to work in the law office. So I went to do that and I finished it and I graduated from there and I got a job. Why did you want?
Speaker 1:to work in a law office.
Speaker 2:I don't know, it was just something I liked.
Speaker 1:Just like.
Speaker 2:Just because.
Speaker 1:But did you ever meet somebody or anything like?
Speaker 2:that. No, I just wanted to do that. I just wanted to work. I thought it was something like prestigious to go work in a law firm, and I did. I worked there and I liked it and what did you do there? Firm. So and I did, I worked there and I liked it and what'd you do there?
Speaker 2:I worked for family law. We did a lot of family cases and I did all the like, the like actually the secretary of the attorney so you were like typing and doing all that. Yeah, I was doing a lot of stuff and and then.
Speaker 1:So then you were doing that, and then then how long was it before you met?
Speaker 2:Your dad. I met him two years later, when I was 29.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, so you were 27,. You just got divorced. Then you start working as a legal secretary, and then you met your dad. And then it was how did that work?
Speaker 2:well, at first I didn't want anything because I wasn't sure I was just. I just had gotten out of a relationship. I just wanted to be by myself yeah. I didn't know. Um, I was having fun just the kids taking care of my kids. My mom would watch them in the evening. If I went out, you know, I'd feed him, put him to sleep and then I'd go out. Then I'd come back in the morning do what I have to do with the kids go to work, do everything yeah um, then I meet your dad by coincidence.
Speaker 2:It was just like something fluke we were on the freeway driving and they were in a ferrari yeah and we were in a Corvette.
Speaker 2:And then we're driving down the street and my sister says, look at, those guys are so cute. And I'm like, no, no. And she goes, just play with them, karina, just play with them. And I'm like, okay. So we started messing around on the freeway and then we pulled over and it was like fate, because the driver went to my sister to talk to her and your dad came to me to talk to me. So we talked a little bit, we had fun, just like exchange numbers and stuff, and we went on our way, yeah. And then he called to take my sister on. My sister goes, just go out with us, just go out with us. And I'm like, oh no, I don't want to do this. I said, okay, let's do it. So we went and it turned out that I ended up marrying but, but I know that.
Speaker 1:So you went on that, you went on that double date or whatever, and then you didn't call my dad back, though, right um, for a while I did call your dad back, but afterwards and then we were just like friends. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then I went out with my friends and we went to Ensenada and I didn't call him like Rosarita, yeah, and I didn't call him at all for that whole weekend and he was like what the heck? And when I get home we had answering machines at that point.
Speaker 2:And it was like I don't know how many calls from him, point. And it was like I don't know how many calls from him and I was like, oh my god, this guy's he's must be stressed. What is his problems? Like shower everything, get ready, go see him at his job and he's all scraggly and I'm like what the heck? And I'm like what's going on? He goes, you, how are you doing? I was worried about you. You didn't answer my calls and I'm like we weren't even dating, really dating.
Speaker 2:We're just like friends yeah and then I thought, well, maybe he's worth the try, maybe he really does care for me yeah so then I started, I made where I started dating him, and that was it and um.
Speaker 1:And then, how long after you guys dated did you guys get married?
Speaker 2:like a year later dang, that was quick yeah, like a year later, because he was, he knew I had three kids and that was my worry, that somebody wouldn't accept me with three kids. And the kids had off and on with their dad. They'd go one weekend, so that weekend we'd spend together and then the next weekend we would take the kids somewhere. And it was. It worked out really well and he really liked the three kids. So then we just he just said he wanted him. We just got married wait.
Speaker 1:So so you, why, what? Why were you worried that someone wouldn't accept you with three kids?
Speaker 2:Because my mom had a lot of kids. She had a lot of opportunities but never wanted a chance on taking one. What do you? Mean, my mom was a very beautiful woman, but she never really wanted to give herself to somebody, because she always. Maybe she was in love with my dad, I don't know, but he never was in the picture.
Speaker 1:What was your dad like? What did your dad do, though?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think he did a lot of things that weren't normal. That weren't good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but did you like know know him? Yeah, I knew him.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, I knew him because he was with us when I was little, but he would come in and go, come in and go. He'd be gone like maybe a year and then all of a sudden show up again, you know, or he'd come like every six months and I remember living with him and then I remember us leaving him. So it was like it was weird, it was different, and he and then, when did he pass away?
Speaker 1:in 89 do you know how? Or?
Speaker 2:yeah, he had diabetes and he didn't take care of it.
Speaker 1:And then and then and then says 89. So how old were you? No, I was born 61, okay, and then, so that was 89. So how old were you I?
Speaker 2:don't know. I was born in 61.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then did you like? How did that feel Like?
Speaker 2:because he wasn't really in your life. Yeah, I mean, I kind of felt it, but it didn't consume me in any way. Yeah. It was just like okay, well, he's gone. Yeah, in the other words, when I, when my mom passed. That was different yeah, so.
Speaker 1:So so going back, so you were, you just got married. And then, so now you're what, 29, 30, 29, I was 30, 30 years old, you just got married. And then you, how long after did you have Bijan?
Speaker 2:A year later.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then your best son came after that Cyrus.
Speaker 2:Actually Bijan was planned and Cyrus was our surprise.
Speaker 1:Cyrus was the gift. It was definitely the gift. Cyrus was the gift, it was definitely the gift.
Speaker 2:It definitely was, because Cyrus is the one that keeps the house going. What do you mean? Like the house was always like quiet, but when Cyrus was around it was alive. Like just rambunctious.
Speaker 1:It's funny, you always say what did Baba?
Speaker 2:say when he'd come home from work and the house was quiet. He's like where's everybody? And I go, everybody's here and he goes. Why is it so quiet? Well, cyrus is asleep, so Cyrus was sleeping, the house was quiet.
Speaker 1:And what was it like? I'm actually curious. So like you went from like living with grandma to then me to my dad, then did you guys move in together, or I well, at first, no, dad.
Speaker 2:Your dad got an apartment closer to us and then we were seeing each other. I'd go stay with him like the week where was he living before you guys met? In Downey.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then he moved to Huntington Park in an apartment there because we were living in Cudahy so it was down the street. Then I got a place and he moved with me for about a year.
Speaker 1:A place where.
Speaker 2:In Los Angeles.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then we lived there for about a year, and then that's when we moved to Orange County.
Speaker 1:Why did you guys move to Orange County?
Speaker 2:Because one of his friends said that another friend was renting a house and that he thought it would be good for the family to move to Orange County and he told Baba about it and then he said okay, so we moved to orange county and this is when you had just three kids, or? I had no bijan was born. Bijan was like six months or something, seven months and where'd you guys? Move right down the street from where we live. Now really, yeah, yeah on Marion.
Speaker 1:So you guys just rented like a place, we rented a house there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the same kind of house we have, but we rented a house there.
Speaker 1:And then, when did you guys decide to buy the house? Well, we started.
Speaker 2:like a year later we started looking for a house because we were going to buy a house like down on Marion and Baba said we put everything down but it didn't go through for some reason. Yeah. So then we moved out of the house where we were at and moved into an apartment and we continued to look and then, like the following month or something, we found the house we're living in now.
Speaker 1:Wait. So how is it like going from like like? So at this point were you like financially stable, or was it like yeah, we were, we were.
Speaker 2:Your took care of everything.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to worry about anything but like, how was that going from like where? I mean from when you were so little, like you were saying earlier, like nine or ten, worrying about your mom, worrying about everything?
Speaker 2:It was more like a gift, because I could still truly help my mom. Whatever my mom needed, I could give her. I didn't have to worry about it. I didn't have to worry about it, you know, and your dad was very generous in that aspect Whatever I could, whatever he gave me, I could share.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so were you working at the Sunday?
Speaker 2:I was working when I met your dad and then your dad didn't want me to work anymore. Then I started. I was at home most of the time and then I started working for your dad.
Speaker 1:Okay, doing what?
Speaker 2:Doing like the DMV work finance companies work like going to the finance companies and picking up checks, taking them paperwork and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:And then so then you then, because he owned multiple different car dealerships and everything. So, then you then, because he owned multiple different car dealerships and everything. So then. So then you guys are renting an apartment, about to have the best kid of your life and and you and you decide you're going to buy a house. And was that because you wanted to buy a house? Was that because he wanted to? Was that because you guys wanted to do it together?
Speaker 2:Because you had said earlier you wanted roots. So I'm curious on what? Yeah, it's we. We both decided it was the thing to do at that point because he was financially okay and it was time at that time just to settle it down somewhere.
Speaker 1:Because you have four kids at the time, one coming. Yeah and so then. So you chose where we're at now because, just because you guys already knew the area, or what?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, and it was a nice area. It was quiet and when we found the house it was like the perfect place. Yeah it was strange because we went to see another one right across the street, mr Chin's house, yeah, and that was like dark and gloomy and I'm like God, no. And then they said, oh, across the street, we're going to put the sign up today if you want to go see that one. Yeah. And that one was bright light. Yeah. It had everything.
Speaker 1:And so wait, had everything and so wait, so.
Speaker 2:so then I'm actually curious how did, like desiree steven and kareem like deal with, like you meeting baba um, they were okay with it because they were young when I left their dad and their dad and they, desi, had a harder time than the other two.
Speaker 2:she was older, yeah, she didn't understand it in the beginning, um, but as time went on she said I'm glad you did what you did, because my three older kids I believe they had more time with your dad and was able to have a father figure. Their dad was there but their dad wasn't really involved with them and Baba was everything for them. He did everything for them, like their own.
Speaker 1:What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Like if they were his kids. He just did everything bought their shoes, bought them cars, did everything for them.
Speaker 1:And then Supported them. So, but at first it was hard for Des right.
Speaker 2:Well, not no. Well, at first Baba didn't get that part because we were without the dad for two years. That's when I had the hard time with her. Oh, okay, Not when meeting Nicholas, that was, they had the hard time with her. Oh okay, not when meeting nicholas that was they.
Speaker 1:They were good with it, they were okay yeah they really liked him and then um, and then like, uh, uh, because we grew up like I didn't even know, like I remember I don't know, being you know older and realizing that it wasn't even, like we weren't even half siblings or anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because that's what your dad wanted. He wanted you guys never to feel the separation. So he allowed and he encouraged the girls. When they would go to their grandma's house or wherever they were going, you guys were more than welcome to go with them. He didn't separate you guys. Yeah, Because he wanted that bond. He didn't want a separation. So when Desi would say I'm going to Grandma Angie's house, she would buckle you guys up in the car and she would take you guys. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that was your grandma and grandpa. You didn't know any difference yeah, exactly because he didn't want that and then, and so was that like conversations that you guys had together, or was that like yeah, well, he always told me that he didn't want the kids separated, like he didn't want them to feel like they were different yeah so that's why he did everything the same for you guys that he did for the three older ones, and the three older ones weren't his, but he still had them like everything for them.
Speaker 2:He didn't segregate like oh well, you get your support, so figure out what you're going to do with your kids. No, he'd still. Whatever they gave, whatever I would get, my money I would get was mine. I didn't have to input anything. He took care of everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah and then. So then you bought the house. I was born right after or right before the house.
Speaker 2:No, you were born right before we moved in the house, when you were 16 days old.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then. So that would have been December 20th 1993. And so then you guys moved in the house and then fast forward all the way to, let's say, you know, wait. So now, what are your other siblings doing at this time?
Speaker 2:um the ones I had. My sister lives in in santa maria. Yeah, santa maria she's living her life with her son and daughter she, yeah, so she she went.
Speaker 1:When did she move there?
Speaker 2:Oh, when my nephew was little, probably like 30, 35 years ago.
Speaker 1:But you guys were living together when you guys met Baba. No, when was she Well?
Speaker 2:actually yes. Yes, because she had moved in with us, Because she had separated from her husband. Okay. The baby's dad, and so she was living with us. Yes, yes and then that's when you guys went out yeah, when we would go out and stuff like that, or she had her own place. I don't remember, but she at one point she was there with us yeah and then.
Speaker 1:Okay, so then then.
Speaker 2:So she's she is she separates and then she meets somebody and then fast forward. I was already with your dad, but just dating, and then she ends up with another, with Hassan, and then they got married. Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then what about your other siblings?
Speaker 2:My other one. I only have one more. After that, my brother was in Colorado living his life with his family, and then my younger brother was George. That's all we had left. So right now, fast forward, there's only two of us left.
Speaker 1:So okay, so then you have. And then what was Uncle George doing at this time?
Speaker 2:He was young. He was like 13 years old. Okay, he was just 13 years old. Okay. He was just with my grandma. Okay, my mom.
Speaker 1:So you guys were living. He was living there when you were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was living there with us yeah, and then you moved out.
Speaker 1:What did he feel like? Do you ever know?
Speaker 2:what he felt like when you moved out or anything? No, he never really said anything, I just left and does that?
Speaker 1:yeah, okay, so then. So then you fast forward to um, to, to 2004. Grandma passes away in january 2004, right, but she had, I remember, like she had came to live with us yes, about two weeks prior she said I'm gonna stay here with you.
Speaker 2:Now I'm gonna live with you. You know I'm not gonna be at the house anymore, let george stay there. And she came to live with me okay, so. So uncle george was staying at the other house yeah, because he had a girlfriend, gladys, and she had zion, so she wanted to stay out of his life and let him live.
Speaker 1:So she just let him live in her house, mm-hmm, and then. So, uncle, where was that house?
Speaker 2:In Norwalk.
Speaker 1:Norwalk, and then Grandma came to live with us, mm-hmm, but she was like, was she not doing? Well, I don't remember what happened, because I remember her having to go to the hospital yeah, well, she was.
Speaker 2:She was always in and out because she had um heart problems and all these problems. She had um open heart surgery prior to that from what there's a heart attack or no, just because she had arteries blocked so is that because unhealthy or I think it's part of yeah, it's part of I don't know actually why because she had diabetes. When she got diabetes after my brother died, she was in her 30s yeah and that's when she hit diabetes. From diabetes, then she ended up with high blood pressure yeah all, everything else, heart problems and everything yeah and then.
Speaker 2:So then she comes to live with us she came to live with us and then I would take her back and forth to the doctor, and once she had to go to the doctor, so I took her in. They kept her there yeah, I remember that was after a week, after she had already stayed with us, and then she passed yeah, because she stayed with us. She used to come in and out and stay with us prior, like in between everything.
Speaker 1:And then she would go back home, okay, and then your mom passes away in 2004, january. How did that feel?
Speaker 2:That was the hardest. That was really hard, because my mom was everything for me. I did everything for her, like whatever and she needed, I would try to do it for her, you know, and that was real hard.
Speaker 1:So then you lost your mom, but then you had. Then uncle george came to live with us too, didn't he? So what happened to her house then?
Speaker 2:I let it go into foreclosure. I couldn't deal with it. I helped her so much with it and I didn't realize that so much with it and I didn't realize that. I didn't realize how important it was to keep it, but I just couldn't deal with paying for it Because I didn't. She wasn't here, so I didn't see why I should continue. Yeah, and that was just the ignorance of something you know, but that's why I didn't, that's why I let it go, because I could have continued to pay it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. So then Uncle George comes to live with us. I remember that because I remember it was like my favorite part, yeah, and then. So Uncle George is living with us, but Gladys was living somewhere else or something right, yeah, she went back home.
Speaker 2:They like broke up or something right.
Speaker 1:And she left, and then Uncle George was living with us for a while and then in 2000,. Well, did Uncle George move in with us before Grandma passed away? No, after.
Speaker 2:It was like right after right yeah like a couple months after, because that's when I let the house go, so three months. If you don't pay it, then it goes into foreclosure.
Speaker 1:And then he came to move with us.
Speaker 2:Then he came to live with us.
Speaker 1:So that's why he came to move with us.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that. And then he came to move with us, so. So then it was January, February, March, April. In April I just remember always, like every day, hanging out with Uncle George. It was like my favorite thing. And then in October October 29th 2004, Uncle George passed away.
Speaker 2:And that was hard. That was even harder. Why? Because that was my little brother. But I know God doesn't do things. He doesn't give you what you can't handle. And it was the hardest thing. For me, it was the most hardest thing, so hard that I sent you guys to school the next day because I didn't want you to be part of it. I needed to be by myself.
Speaker 1:I, I remember, like I remember, walking down and like realizing it isn't it. I like, I think Uncle George is the one I miss the most.
Speaker 2:He had a very caring heart, a very caring. He was very good with you guys. He was a good brother and a good uncle. He might not have been the best son, but he was a good brother and a good uncle. He might not have been the best son, but he was a good brother and a good uncle. Why do you say that? Because he just he gave my mom a hard time a lot, and that's maybe just because of immaturity, I don't know.
Speaker 1:But he was only what 28, right 29.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 28. 28?.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, 28, when he passed away, and then, so that was, you lost grandma, then you lost uncle george, and then what was like, um, during that time, like what did baba do? Like, well.
Speaker 2:He helped me with all the funeral arrangements. He did everything for it. He helped whatever he could.
Speaker 1:And then like, what was it like to like for? Like being, you know, dealing with your five kids at that time, like when you lost Grandma and then uncle George?
Speaker 2:I think that's what kept me going, because I couldn't have time to sit down and think about it. I had to keep moving. So in my own time, when you guys were in school, or when you guys, you know, know, were doing things, that's when it hit me, when I was by myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then did you and then like fast forward to what exactly a year later?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my world really kicked in. What do you mean? I didn't know what I was going to do. He was my everything. He took care of us, he took care of you, he had a home for us, he had everything for us. And then he left and I didn't have a choice.
Speaker 1:Because Baba went into the hospital October 29, 2005 and then passed away on November 1st, Correct? And what did that like you? What was going on through your head, like at that point?
Speaker 2:I couldn't believe it was happening. I had just went through two and that was hard. But then to have your spouse also leave and then you're staying with your kids again by yourself, I think it's the most hardest thing to go through. But at the same time it's like a fight or flight. You have to figure out how to do things. And it was really hard for me because there was times I remember crying in the room because I couldn't figure out how to pay the bills and you'd come in and you'd say, mom, what's wrong? And then I would tell you and say, don't worry, mom, don't worry, god knows, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay. And then, for some reason or another, it would be okay and I could pay the bills and I could pay the house. My worst fear was to lose it. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I didn't want to have to uproot you guys, and I think that was the hardest part of it all having to figure out things that I didn't have to. It's like having a table with four legs and then all of a sudden one leg breaks and you're trying to figure out how to balance it. It was the most hardest thing that I had to go through.
Speaker 1:And then, like you were, I remember going into the room and telling you that a lot, and then like, but like you, for me, seeing you, like instead of sitting there and like I guess, like you know, curling in a ball, which sometimes, like we would sit in the room and just cry, right I remember, because I'd say something like that, you'd be crying and I'd be like, what's the matter? And you'd be like this. I'd be like, don't worry, it's all good, like we're good, yeah, and but instead of like just shutting down, you like stepped up, you started working multiple jobs.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:But like what was that thought process?
Speaker 2:Well, it's the only way that I knew that I could make. I had to do something other than sit there and not do anything and lose everything, and I didn't want to lose you guys, because you were still very young. Yeah. So I had to keep going and make myself strong to keep you guys.
Speaker 1:What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Because I felt like if I would lose the house, I would lose you guys.
Speaker 1:Like, what do you mean? I don't know. Like, like, lose, like.
Speaker 2:Like we'd have to move somewhere where it was not safe. If I would have to move somewhere not safe then maybe you'd hang around with a bad crowd. I don't know the way I grew up and I had to make choices as I was growing up and I didn't want that for you guys.
Speaker 1:So do you think that, like because everything you had gone through losing your brother, your older brother and all of that you didn't want those? That's what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's the part I didn't want to happen, because you hang around with the bad people even though you're not a bad person. They see you with the bad people when they think you're a bad person.
Speaker 1:Because that's what happened to your brother. Yes, it wasn't that he was. He was get, really, I think, probably getting his life on track, exactly. He just came home from the marines and then, yeah, he was with the wrong people so then? So, so you start working multiple jobs, keep the house overhead, and then like, what about the businesses, baba's businesses? We lost them all.
Speaker 2:Well, by the time your dad died, we had already lost the last one that he had, but he still had a couple of cars left. Yeah. And so he had sold those, those and we had that money. Then it was hard because he had taken out a loan for the other business we had and it didn't work out for different reasons. But when your dad died there was money. Yeah. And that's how I kept it. But I kept it just by the time. You know, sometimes I had it, sometimes I didn't. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, it was hard because I didn't know how to really manage money. Yeah. Because I didn't have money to manage. I didn't ever have to worry about anything. Whatever I? Needed, it was provided for me by your dad. Yeah, and before that, I didn't ever have to worry about anything. Whatever I needed, it was provided for me by your dad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and before that you didn't have it, and before I didn't have it, so I didn't miss it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it didn't, you know. And when I did have it, it was like, okay, I could do whatever I, you know I needed to do.
Speaker 1:So you went to like maintenance mode. Basically you went to like you're going to go and get you know jobs, pay the bills, just keep it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just keep the house going.
Speaker 1:So now the whole time, like that this was happening, like I you know it was interesting because people would always ask, like what do you want to do with your life? They'd be like, what do you want to be when you get older, yada, yada, like as a little kid or whatever. And then you know I'd say something or whatever. And then if I talked to you, it would always be like you can do whatever you want, as long as you put your mind to it. Like, where did that come from?
Speaker 2:long as you put your mind to it like where did that come from? Because I always wanted roots and it was always in my mind and in the ending, whatever I had to go through to get there, I got there.
Speaker 1:So I knew that was the only possible way is you put your mind to something and keep it in there and you'll succeed and then, and then, like you know, we're in middle school and then this is when I like really decided I want to play soccer as a professional, because before that I didn't want to. Right, and then I remember like saying that, and I remember like growing up, even in like high school, and like as I got better because when I was younger I wasn't even that good but like as I got better and better, and then it was actually like, oh, this could be a possibility or not, or whatever Could go to college. And teachers would tell me you should go to college, blah, blah, blah. And I told you I didn't want to go to college and you were always just like like, okay, just do what you.
Speaker 2:What you want, what you like, what you feel.
Speaker 1:But why not push me to do something else?
Speaker 2:Because I knew that you wouldn't be happy doing that. So I wanted you to be happy in whatever you did, Because if you're not happy and you have to go to college, then you're not. It's not you. I wanted you to be you. All the kids.
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter. It didn't matter like some went, some didn't, but that's because it was their choice. If they wouldn't have wanted it, then they didn't have. I didn't want to push you to do something because I wanted you to do it. No I wanted you to do what you wanted to do.
Speaker 1:But like how did that mind? Because so many parents like that's not how they operate.
Speaker 2:I know, but I Because it's just, I don't know, because I know that if you do something you don't like, then it's going to be, you're going to have a miserable life Because you're doing something that, oh shoot. My mom made me go to school for taxes and I don't want to do taxes. But, I'm going to do it anyways because she wants. It's going to be miserable for you every day to get up and go do your job.
Speaker 2:So, if you like what you're doing. It's not going to be a job. It's going to be a pleasure for you to get up in the morning and go do something.
Speaker 1:Go enjoy it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, and then. So now I think it's pretty interesting because then like fast forward to, so Baba passes away and, like I said, like that was really hard. I always say like that was the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me, not because like he was the best dad ever, it was because if that didn't happen I wouldn't be where I'm at today.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I believe that too. I believe that that's why I say God doesn't make mistakes in whatever he does. Everything's a reason. I feel the same way because you guys were handed a silver spoon. Every time you needed something or wanted something, it was there. You didn't have to want, or you just say oh, I really want that, okay, yeah, even when your dad died, you both wanted laptops yeah, okay in september. He bought the two laptops for christmas in december yeah um. He passes away in november, but he still had your presence yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:It was something, and I think that if you, he would have still been here, I think you guys would have been just spoiled. Obnoxious kids. No, seriously, no, it's true. I, I agree, would have been, you would have, you wouldn't have had to work for anything, so it would obnoxious kids. No, seriously.
Speaker 2:No, it's true, I agree you wouldn't have had to work for anything, so it would have been just like oh, my dad would take care of it or my mom would give me you know. And now you guys have earned where you're at because you worked hard.
Speaker 1:Well, that's like. That's what I was saying is like because, like I know for a fact, like I probably like, and again, like you said, like I probably would have because we had everything when he was around, and then we go to like like not having everything worrying about, like I remember the same, the same, like worries that you were saying about, you know, your mom, like having the same thing about you. You know, like worried, like is my okay, do we have enough money to make the house payments? You know, growing up that way, but that's really what made me I think, like think the way I think and operate the way I operate. And then you know I'll get to that part, but like you know what, what then? So so Bob passed away, and then what, like six years later, or something like that you meet Henry.
Speaker 2:Five years later I met him and it was just like friends at first. Yeah. And then I said, okay, we'll start dating. But then I had to introduce him to you guys and I wasn't sure yet and I didn't want to bring somebody into our home without feeling I don't know. It's kind of strange. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then when I started dating then you and Stephen got kind of like what, who are you going with, what are you doing? Like overprotective, and I was like I'm an adult yeah but I wasn't sure how things were going to be, so that's why I had to wait a little bit and then so yeah, but then.
Speaker 1:So then you guys. So then then henry comes around, and I hated him yes, definitely hated him.
Speaker 2:You did, and I didn't understand why, because he wasn't a bad person, he was pretty nice. But I think it was a man coming into your house where your dad was. That was hard for you and I remember you coming up to me and telling me why do you have to date? Why do you have to go out? You were 16 years old and I'm like what do you mean? Well, yeah, I don't understand why. And I said because I don't want to be by myself. I didn't want to be like my mom, by herself the whole life and struggling. I wanted to have a partner and I had my partner and God had a different plans At that point.
Speaker 2:I remember you coming up to me and telling me well, I miss my dad. And I said well, I'm still in love with your dad. And I said I didn't make this choice. God did it and I still love him and I love you, you. But I don't want to be by myself. And I remember you hugging me. We both cried and now I believe you're his best friend. You're really close to him and that's why I say God doesn't make mistakes. However he draws it out, it's the perfect plan and not anything in life is perfect, but he makes it fit, because I know you had a hard time with him in the beginning. Yeah, you were so mad.
Speaker 1:It's so interesting because you, like you just said something. You said like god you know, like everything's perfect, but not everything's perfect kind of thing, but like then, if you really think about it, like the imperfect is perfect right, and like that's like so much of like your story is, like it's like not this like perfect story at all. But without all of that, those experiences, you wouldn't have operated the way that you operate, which then, in turn, wouldn't operate how I operate. But I remember like I remember like yelling and telling Henry to get out of the house, and all of that, like I don't even know why, like well, I know why, because I felt like I felt like um.
Speaker 2:Like he was invading on your.
Speaker 1:No, I felt like he didn't need to be there Because, as I think I was what I was 11 years old, you were 16. No, I was 11 years old?
Speaker 2:you were 16.
Speaker 1:No, I was 11 years old, and then when Baba passed away, or 10 or 11, just about to be 11 and then I remember that happening and then I remember like I think it was Amo Ali, he like came up to me and he was like you know, you're the man of the house now.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right. Yes, I remember that.
Speaker 1:But I never understood, like, like, why it was me instead of B and like, but I just knew I got to make sure that mom's okay, blah, blah, blah, right. And then I think that's what bothered me. It's like I was like I'm here.
Speaker 2:What does she need somebody for? You're a kid, you know, and I understand where you're coming from too, though, and that's why I'm so proud of the person you've become.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, and then like you go back to, you go back to that. Then I'm like infuriated about Henry, and then I don't know whaturiated about Henry, and then I don't know what happened or I don't know why, I don't remember when, like we became friends.
Speaker 2:After you guys wrestled.
Speaker 1:We fought right.
Speaker 2:Yes, because you guys.
Speaker 1:I was outside I like physically fought him.
Speaker 2:Yes, because you guys, we were in the family room and there was some boards or something that needed to be moved outside. So I got up to go do it and he was sitting there doing something and told you something like why don't you go help your mom? And you said help her, do what? And I don't know what happened and you guys were wrestling in the living room, in the family room, and I'm like, stop whatever. And it wasn't like to hurt you, but you were so angry and you had to take it out Because you didn't know how to deal with it, like him being in the house and him saying something and you thought it wasn't his place to say anything, but he. After that you guys became friends yeah and then and then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean like, like you know also, I think like around, like I think when I was going to europe to go play soccer is when I really realized, like when I was when I graduated high school, and then I was going, so when I really realized like wait a second. When I graduated high school and then I was going, so when I really realized like wait a second, now I'm leaving, my mom's got to have somebody. I think that was like my moment where I was like, oh, it makes sense it might have.
Speaker 2:it might have been because you didn't understand in the beginning, like what do you need somebody for? And I said I don't want to be by myself. That's one thing I didn't want to be. I knew that. I just didn't know that it would happen again, because when Baba died I thought that was it, it was over. I didn't want anybody else, I just wanted him and I couldn't have him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when you met Henry and then you fell in love with henry, like how did that? Like how?
Speaker 2:did you process that it was hard. When I met him, it was just to just like a friend and that was your thing, because you sent me out with your friend's mom. Eisen's mom said go out with her, just go out with her mom have, because I was always home yeah just depressed yeah in the evenings.
Speaker 2:I was just there. Then I was like you should go dancing. Yeah, go dancing, because I love dancing. You said you like dancing, just go. So that's when I went, and probably after the fourth time going out with her is when I met henry but did you like, did you like have like?
Speaker 1:uh, do you feel like guilty or anything like that like um like what was that feeling like? Because, because, like you, it's one thing like after you get divorced right it's different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, when you lose somebody it's a lot, it's harder, but you know that, whatever like my thing was, I was going to stay with him forever. Yeah. I didn't have a plan to leave. Yeah. He didn't have a plan to leave either. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:We had talked before, I know, right before he passed. It was probably, I don't know, right before he died. I think we were talking and stuff. And he said you know, if anything happened to me, I don't want right before he died. I think we were talking and stuff and he said you know, if anything happened to me, I don't want you to be by yourself. I'd rather it happened to me than to you, because I wouldn't know how to raise a voice. And I said don't talk like that. You know it's not. He said well, if it does, I want you to remarry, I don't want you to stay by yourself. And I said well, I don't want you to remarry. And he just laughed. But he said I'm serious. And he kept saying I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this before I'm 50. I didn't know he was going to die, you know, maybe he didn't know either, but he just knew he had to take care of some stuff before. Yeah. So when I met henry, it was just like just like 49.
Speaker 2:That's crazy yeah he was young no, but it's crazy that he would say that that he had to do before he was 50 yeah, that was his main thing was to get everything in order, and it was really it wasn't working for him. It was yeah it wasn't in the plans and so then.
Speaker 1:So then, sorry, go ahead. So you're saying I met.
Speaker 2:I went dancing, I met henry and it was just like he was three years younger and I was like, oh, you're a baby, like I don't even want to deal with you, you know. And he was like a baby. I'm not a baby. He was 40. I think he was like 45 at that time yeah. I just turned 49. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was like no way. And little by little we would call and talk to each other and then we started going out, but as friends, and then it started getting a little bit serious. And that's when I introduced him to you. That's when I started bringing him around.
Speaker 3:Yeah and yeah, that's when I introduced him to you that's when I started bringing him around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I didn't want to bring somebody in that I wasn't sure of. Yeah, I couldn't do that but.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is, it's like when you're, when you were doing that, like, oh, like, how was it like yeah, like how did it feel? And then like how was it for him? Well, it was hard for him because feel, and then like how?
Speaker 2:was it for him? It was hard for him because he had. It was more hard. I think it was more hard for him than me because I already had a standard that I wanted. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I already lived with a man that was a gentleman, that was giving, that was loving, that was caring, and it was hard for him to live up to that. And I remember one time we were going somewhere I don't know what I had, went up there for the weekend and I was ironing and I started crying and I couldn't figure out why. And I remember and I used to iron your dad's suits for work, his shirts, and it hit me really, really hard. And he walked in, he goes what's wrong? And I go nothing. He goes why are you crying? I go nothing.
Speaker 2:And then that's when I broke down and I said, because I'm still so in love with my husband that passed and I don't know how to do this and I'm afraid. I'm afraid to get close to you because I'm still in love with him and I remember him holding me and reassuring me and telling me just give me that love and I'll take care of it. But I know in the first probably was the first four or five years was up and down, it wasn't. And I remember sitting after I met him. I remember sitting and telling God whatever you want, if you want him in my life, leave him. If you don't take him out now, because I can't do this, I can't think I have something and I don't yeah and and he.
Speaker 2:He showed me that. You know that I don't know. It was hard for me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I sat there and I told I remember saying bye to him and telling him that it was over. I couldn't do this anymore. Just leave me alone, you know, and it was really hard for me because I had already given him my heart and I always wished why did you leave me? Why do I have to go through this again? And I would tell God I know you have your reasons. Um, you don't make mistakes. Just help me with this one and remember he moved out for three months. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then he wanted to move back. And I was so brokenhearted and I said, when he left and you guys watched me cry and then he said oh, I need to move back, I want to rent a room from you, remember. And everybody said no, mom, don't do it, don't do it. He already Stephen was saying no, don't do it because he already broke your heart once. And I said but if I don't do it now, I'll never know. And God opened the door again. And then we were married.
Speaker 1:Like what, six months later, yeah, and then we were married, like what? Six months later, yeah, and then and then. In between all of this, there was when, when, when was it that Corinne tried because the house went into her name? When, yeah, the house right before Baba passed away right. He put it because he was doing something for a loan or something that right, and so then, so he does that, and then Baba passes away. And then how old were we when?
Speaker 2:When she tried to sell the house, you were 13. You were 13 and Bijan was what? 14 or 15. Yeah, that would make sense like a couple years after he passed away. She because they moved in with us yeah, they were gonna move in with us. They were moving in they like repainted everything, yeah, everything. I had moved from the master bedroom downstairs yeah put all my stuff there and they.
Speaker 1:I was giving them the master bedroom because they were going to help with all the payment and everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then we fixed the room for the baby, and that's when I bought sung's car. Yeah, I had a van and I was giving it to desi because desi didn't have a car at the time and corinne got mad and said I can't deal with this. I'm moving in with you and you're buying a car. Yeah. So she left. After that, probably a year later or two, she wanted to sell the house and she leaves notes for you guys.
Speaker 1:I don't remember the notes still.
Speaker 2:I have a note actually saved still, but she left one on your pillow, one on Bijan's pillow and one in my room Because everybody had a key to the house. And you get home, and you, when I come home from work, you tell me Mom, what's this? Rina's going to sell our house. And I said what? Yeah. I hadn't even seen the note yet and that's when I went furious and I called her and I said how dare you yeah, but she wanted to she wanted to sell the house and then for years.
Speaker 1:So I remember so. So it's funny because, like, I don't remember the note, but I remember that feeling and I remember it happening. I just don't remember like reading the note. I don't know why that feeling and I remember it happening, I just don't remember like reading the note, I don't know why. And then I remember like that was right when I started, I think right around when I started training with Zach, and it was like it was like before, it was like I want to play pro soccer, but when I started training Zach I saw like an actual avenue of like getting there what you could get, yeah, how to get there.
Speaker 1:Because he was already doing it. He was already coaching the pros the best in the world, right. So then I like saw that, and then I think that was when I like decided for me. It was when I like was like I have to play pro because I have to pay, I have to buy my mom her house, because I knew how hard you work to keep the house for this long. So then, so, then, fast forward, like you're, you know, we're there, and but there was always like this thing where she'd always try to do something with the house yeah, she always.
Speaker 2:She always wanted money from me and I refused it. I argued with her and you know I was barely making ends meet. And then she'd call me and say she wanted, you know, you want your house back. You need to buy it from me. What do you mean? Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, we gave her. For her to put the house in her name, we had to pay off all her debt her to. For her to put the house in her name, we had to pay off all her debt. Yeah, that was over 50, I think 50 000 or something. And we did a lot of things and she lived with us until she was 25 years old without paying anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah and then this happens where she wants to take it, and I don't believe it was so much her, but I think it was more the husband. Yeah. And her, but still because that was my child. It was so wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then. So then, you, you, we, fast forward. Um, this is all going out from, basically, when I'm 13 till a couple of years ago, basically.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's probably 2020, 19. I don't know when I 2020, 2021, 2021. Yeah, well, then she gets, then she wants to call me again remember she starts calling me and I didn't want to do anything with her.
Speaker 1:So then you call her and say, hey, what's going on, what's going on because, because, so I remember like, like I don't know what age it was, but I remember like Stephen getting married or whatever leaving and then like not talking to the family at all.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And then. So like I remember being.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't know how old I was, but I just remember, like my uncle, who I thought was the best person in the world, gone, then my dad being gone and then my older brother being gone, yeah and then I remember like I was really close with um, with Ina Corrine, and she was like I was always really close with her, yes, and then when this all happened, I was like kind of like what the heck is on? But I always tried to stay close with her, true Like. I was the only one that would like go hang out with her talk to her or talk to her have lunch with her?
Speaker 1:Yes, and then it was in yeah, maybe like what, 2019, 2020, around that time when she called you or something, because she wanted to do something with the house again she wanted me to pay her $65,000, and then she would say sign over the house yeah, but she didn't realize what I do for a living.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Because I went to go play in Europe. Then I came back and then you know I stopped playing.
Speaker 2:You were all over the place, right.
Speaker 1:And then now I own this real estate company and it's one of the top real estate companies. So she didn't realize that that's what I do. And then my whole goal was you know, I had two goals in life One, pay my mom's house off. Two, buy a g-wagon. And then I think I, I, I, I got the g-wagon and then, and then the goal was to do that.
Speaker 1:And then she called you to try to get more, to get money or whatever yeah, and then I called her and I was like hey, like this is like you. You know, this is what I do now.
Speaker 2:Like, let me you know yeah, how much do you want? You said you want five thousand ten thousand. What do you want?
Speaker 1:yeah, she said no yeah, I actually asked her. I actually asked her first, like just to like, hey, like I could just assume the loan, I could do this, yada yada, she didn't want to, she didn't want to. So I said, okay, like how much money do you?
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I asked her how much money she wanted and I said you know, I'll give you five grand, ten grand, whatever. And I said do you want 20 grand? She goes, it's got to be a lot more than that. And I said well, I'll make you a deal. I was like one. You say you talk to me, you care about me, you this, you that you talk to me, you care about me, you this, you that like.
Speaker 1:then, then like, if you want a relationship, she because she said her, she would always say her relationship with the rest of the family's gone right right, right right which, like my siblings, they all will tell her that me I was always like no, it's not like, for me it's not gone Right, because I remember her bringing Stephen back, because when Stephen came back home it was on Christmas and she had arranged him to come back home and he came back home on Christmas but he hadn't talked to the family for a little while.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was the only one that talked to Stephen, like I would like reach out to Stephen or his ex like on, like I don't know, like a messenger or something, and then we talk, and then I'd like talk to them a little bit and blah, blah, blah, and then like that was it. But then then, after he got divorced or whatever, then he came back home, right, and I remember that, and then so and I like told her that I was like look like, what do you mean? Like it's family, your family, it doesn't matter, everybody's gonna accept you back, no matter what, right. And she was like no, it's not like that. Blah, blah, blah. And then she told me that she thinks that. Um, and then she told me she was like no, the relationship like it's done like they, no one likes me. And I said, like I care about you. So how about this? If you want a relationship with me period, no one else, just your little brother then let's try and figure this out. But if you want $50,000, $60,000 versus a relationship with me, then you just let me know that. And she said that she wanted the money. So then I hired an attorney and then ended up paying the house off and getting the house back from from her.
Speaker 1:But my question really is is like, like I remember I remember sitting down with you at breakfast one of the mornings when I was going through the paying it off and I had just got the payoff statement and it had like thirty thousand dollars of late fees. And I was so mad at you and I sat down with you and I was like what the heck? Like why are there late fees? Like we, like we've been okay for a while, like I've been making money, like what do you mean? There's late fees, blah, blah, blah. And I was so mad that you had late fees because you're missing mortgage and yada, yada.
Speaker 1:I was so upset and then you told me, you told me, you told me, you told me, you told me, si, I've always been two months behind because, since your dad passed away, because you can go two months, you just can't go three months. And I remember just thinking like for the last, from when I was 11 years old, what you're telling me, from when I was 11 years old, all the way to when I was what, 26, 27? You were two months behind on more. You just didn't go three months. How do you deal with. Like, were you just never stressed, was it just a norm? Like, was it just like?
Speaker 2:It was surviving. It was like either I pay this and stay without this or just keep it going so that we're surviving, so that it doesn't go into foreclosure, but I'm still able to do other things. I was working four jobs. Yeah. You know, and none of the four jobs amounted to, you know, to pass the payment. Yeah, so it was either the payment and then don't pay this and this, or leave the payment the way it is, just continue to make it. Yeah. So that I could do other things for the house.
Speaker 1:So then, what did it feel like when you realize you didn't have to make a house payment again?
Speaker 2:it's still unbelievable. I still get like awed by the fact that I mean, I'm still working, I still have two things to pay, but it's not like, so stressed that I said, oh dang, I got to make this payment.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, it's a big relief, it's a blessing, and I tell everybody about it because I'm very blessed. Because I'm very blessed, I don't think I could have. I mean, whatever it was I could have overcame whatever, because that's my mode. I can't just sit there and not move. But you made it a lot easier. Bijan has made it a lot easier. Bijan has made it a lot easier. I see so much of your dad in you guys. I don't know how to explain it, but it's just like a lift off your shoulders.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so now you're where you're at right now, because we basically went through your whole life now. Thank you.
Speaker 2:And now, what's your like? You've been traveling more. Yes, we've been traveling a lot more and we've been doing things a little bit things to the house, yeah, um, things that I wasn't able to take care of before. Um, even you helped put a roof on the house yeah, I put a new roof on your roof yeah, and then we were solar yeah, and solar, and so that's a a whole different. Like wow, there's a new roof on here.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean well, the roof hadn't been replaced since the house was built in 1970 freaking no 64 64.
Speaker 2:I don't think so no I literally had it yeah, see and it was literally falling apart and it was like a I don't know. It's just like. That's why I say god doesn't make mistakes. Whatever happened happens for reasons and it got you where you're at. It got your brother where he's at. You know, the other three kids were fine because they were almost adults when baba passed yeah and he raised them yeah and his.
Speaker 2:I think the best thing in life is when you raise your kids with morals. You don't have to worry about anything, because everybody always tells me hey, you're a, you got your. You've been a really good mama. You raise your boys right. I said I didn't do it by myself. They said, yeah, you know, because they know your dad died.
Speaker 2:And I said, no, it's like when you plant a tree on the ground and you put the stick to hold it and the and you just have to water it so that it grows strong yeah that was already done with you guys by him and I just had to continue to water you guys so you guys can flourish yeah if it was, whether um encouraging you, you know, and letting you know that anything is possible and continue to to water and fill your mind with anything is possible your mind with, anything is possible.
Speaker 1:And I think that was like for me, like the, because I like talked to a lot of my friends and I talked to like a lot of different people about, like you know, how they're brought up, how their kids are their parents, and like I think the big like differentiator for me and my childhood minus the death, minus the hardship, minus all of that that we dealt with was that you always said you can do anything you put your mind to. I come up with some idea and you'd like do it. It was never like, uh, I don't know about that, you probably shouldn't, you know. It was always like do it, if you want to do it, you can do it. When I started a clothing company, you're like if you want to do it, you can do it. When I did this is if you want to do it, you can do it, and that I think, mentality created what like how I think, because, like I truly believe I can literally do anything and you can.
Speaker 2:You can because, since you were 13 maybe no, you might have been like 12, 12 or 13 when you started coaching kids yeah remember that yeah because you needed pocket money. So since you were that age, you always tried to figure out how you didn't have to stress me on what you needed and make your own little pocket money to do the things you had to do yeah you know what I mean. So you were always there, you just had to be molded a little bit yeah, and then and then now.
Speaker 1:So I said you're, you're fixing up the house a little bit, traveling a little bit, what's like. Like if you had to give like one piece of advice to someone that's struggling, someone that just lost somebody, somebody that's a single mom, that that, whether it's because of divorce, because of death, what piece of advice would you give them?
Speaker 2:Don't give up. Continue Because there's something better for you coming, because things don't happen. You just don't get divorced just because Somebody doesn't die, just because it's because there's a different plan that you don't have and you can't see it yet, but it'll be there.
Speaker 1:And how do you suggest people keep that, I guess faith when they're going through all of this crazy pain.
Speaker 2:They have to believe. That's what kept me going. There's a higher power, I believe, and that's how I got through it and I'm sure that's how you did it. I kept you guys in Bible camps. I kept you guys busy. You guys were always busy. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, catechism, everything. Because I wanted those morals instilled in you, I wanted you to know that there was a higher power and I believe that I believe so much in God and I know that he doesn't make mistakes, no matter how I was raised I mean, I wasn't raised going to church all the time- yeah. But yet you guys were. Yeah. From day one. Every Sunday, we went to church. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and it wasn't just because, oh, I want them to go to church. No, I wanted you guys to believe in the higher power. Yeah, and to have a fear of like there's somebody up there that is watching us.
Speaker 1:Well, there was also like it's actually very interesting that you just said that, because that made me think about something. Now I was about to end the podcast, but now I'm going to go on a tangent. It made me think about something we went to. You said that we went to Bible but we did not go to a single denomination.
Speaker 1:We literally went to every single. I was like, I was like my mom just used it as daycare. Now that I think about it, you know, because we went to, we went to like every religion, every freaking uh uh uh denomination of Christianity, every religion everything but like why, Cause there's only one God?
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter if he's in Catholic church, Christian church, whatever church he's in, there's only one. Yeah. And that's the truth, because even your dad was what Muslim. Yeah. But not practicing, and he always used to tell me the stories and they're all the same. So there's not no difference between a Muslim, between an Arabic, whatever Greek. It's all the same religion. When you come down to it, it's one person, one higher power, and that's God.
Speaker 1:I like, I like always say, like I think that, like all of the religions and the, the teachings they all really base like, come down to like two things. It's like one like be a good person and the second like love, love other people, and I think that if we can do that, then it's just about a relationship with God, right?
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:And I think that going to different you know, well, well, yeah, that that actually made me like, also, I think, like, be more tolerant of other people, because it's very easy when you're only stuck in one way.
Speaker 1:Then, like, like, I've met a lot of my friends that feel like they went to only this, they only learned this, they only learned about this church or this religion, and they feel like they were quote unquote brainwashed when they were little, right when, like, like you open the door to allow us to see everything else. And then, and then you showed us hey, this is what I believe in, this is what I do, but like, you allowed us to see everything else, versus close the door and say you can't see everything else, you can only see what I want you to see. And I think that was. I think that like is such an important concept. Going back to that, because like it made a, it made it be our choice to to believe in god or not, to believe in god or to believe that this is the, the way or this is the. Like it made it our choice, versus like, you have to do it this way.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:You know, which I think is unconventional for a lot of parents, because a lot of parents, they want you to just do what they believe is right and that's it period.
Speaker 2:And my goal was to give you guys to see the world, but to have morals, because without morals you can be the richest person, but it doesn't matter yeah because you don't have any morals. And I think morals is the number one key. If you're a good person and you're an honest person and you're a caring person, you're a loving person, that's all that matters. Yeah, it doesn't matter, because you can be. You can lose everything today, but because of your morals, you can get up and go tomorrow yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:Thanks, mama, for being on the podcast. I love you love you too.